1. Birth bonding. Feeling good about the birth of your baby can have a profound effect on the way you bond. Take an active role in planning the birth, and if things don’t go to plan, then there are ways to optimise bonding.

2. Breastfeeding. This is the best way for both you and baby. The health benefits for baby are huge, and have been discussed in an earlier post. For mother, the hormones released while nursing also increase the mothering instinct.

3. Bedsharing. In most societies world-wide, babies sleep with their parents, however, in the West this is quite a controversial issue. Not only is it practical in the early days (no need for cots and cradles), it also encourages bonding and promotes a more restful baby. It also makes night-feeding much easier for mum, who doesn’t have to get up every three hours, but can simply adjust position.
4. Babywearing. It is now widely accepted that wearing your baby in a sling or pouch in the early months is beneficial for baby. Babies were in constant motion during their time in the womb-they went wherever mum went. Carrying baby close to you is a natural extension of this and you will find that baby will cry less and be less fussy. It also means that you can carry on with your routine and take baby with you wherever you go.

5. Belief in the signal value of your baby’s cry. Babies cry for different reasons, but never because they are being bad or naughty. It is their most effective way of communicating and if these cues are ignored then the babies’ needs are being ignored. We want to bring up our children feeling nurtured, secure and valued, but ignoring a baby’s cry teaches him or her that he cannot communicate and his needs will not be met.

These ideas of parenting were quite radical at the time, as most “how to” baby books concentrated on quite the opposite approach. Sleeping alone and ‘controlled’ crying, little touch so as not to ‘spoil’ the child, and scheduled feeding using formula instead of breast were, and still are, popular ways of looking at parenting.

When you are a first time mother, it is easy to feel overwhelmed and uncertain about the approach to adopt. Of course before you have a baby you cannot completely decide on the right parenting style. You have no idea how you will react to your baby and what your baby will need.

As Dr. Sears says in his book The Baby Book, “Parenting is a learn-as-you-go profession. It takes hands-on experience.” Experimenting with different approaches is fine and you will find what best fits your lifestyle. The tools of attachment parenting can be adapted as your child develops, but if you keep an open mind and listen to your baby’s needs then your baby will feel secure and nurtured and you will bond with baby from the beginning.

from olive_talique

As a stay-at-home mummy with 2 young toddlers at home.  There are no doubts endless household chores to be done.  My day starts as early as 7am in the morning and ends at 1030pm at night after I put my 2 children to bed.  Sometimes I really wonder if I am really in the right frame of mind to give up my career to be a stay at home mummy.  Despite the dilemma, I feel that all was worth it.  Here’s some guidelines that I derive for myself so that I can manage my household with grace and maintain my sanity.

1. Kids first! - The first thing I open my eyes in the morning, I will make sure that my 2 children have their daily routine of milk, bath and then have their breakfast.  I personally believe when children have rest well and are fed well, they are more cheery and happy. Lesser management on the kids tantrums will enable you some time in between to get some housework done.
2. Prioritize my chores - I normally prioritize the chores.  Things that need immediate attention like preparing for lunch, preparing snack for my son to bring to class will come first.  Finish the routine chores first.  Ad hoc ones can wait.
3. List out things to be done - I normally plan my day ahead.  I write down on a piece of paper on what needs to be done and stick on the wall.  Once done, I will put a tick against it. I feel good seeing the most of the tasks are accomplish.
4. Delegate chores - I get my husband and son to participate.  My 2 year old son will normally be delegated to take care of his toys. He has to pick up toys that both him and his little sister play so that the living room will be neat and tidy while my husband can take charge of the grocery shopping for the week during weekends.
5. Be flexible - In order to maintain my sanity with endless chores, I always tell myself to be very flexible.  It does not matter that some housework is not accomplished as long as the house is not in a mess and the children are taken care of properly, non urgent task can wait.

I believe being a stay at home mum should be fun and not overly stress!

from perlipo

In most case, there are two parents involved in the upbringing of a child or children.  These two parents are individuals who have had different upbringings, experiences and possibly have different beliefs.  Usually, these two people are together because they love each other and share many common interests and wish to live together.

But when it comes to raising a family, there are many different styles of parenting and many issues can be confusing. One parent may have been raised in a very strict household while the other was raised in a more relaxed style.  One person’s way of dealing with parenting issues may be shocking to the next.

Arguing in the early days is common, as you are both under a lot of stress trying to cope with the new baby.  Here are some tips to help you get through these early days:

1.    Read the same parenting books.  If one of you has picked up ideas from a book then let your partner understand where your thinking is coming from.

2.    Understand where your children are developmentally.  Many arguments start when one parent misjudges the stage of development the child should be at.  Expectations can be high, but they also need to be realistic.

3.    Understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses.  Don’t point out your partner’s flaws, compliment his strengths and you will be a great team.

4.    Understand each other’s beliefs and values.  If you believe in attachment parenting, for example, sit down and talk about this with your partner. If his views are different, then you need to come up with a compromise.

5.    Discuss Discipline.  Many arguments start when the parents don’t agree on disciplining methods.  If your husband believes spanking is the best way to discipline your child and you don’t, talk about why he has this belief. Was he spanked as a child?   How did it make him feel, and does he want your child to feel this way?

6.    Start from the beginning as you wish to continue.  Be a role model to your children.  This means not arguing in front of them, but communicating productively and actively trying to solve the problem.  This is positive communication and your children will develop the same skills.

7.    Listen and learn from each other.  Parenting is a process and you will get better at it if you respect your partner and treat him as an equal.  You are partners in life and will grow together as parents if you listen to each other.

from x99elledge

There are times when I think that being a stay-at-home mum is the most difficult job in the world. These are times when I am feeling sorry for myself as I do yet another round of washing-up and laundry as I listen to my children fighting over a toy in the next room.

I fantasise about how wonderful it would be to forget about it all for 8 hours a day and do a job where I am appreciated and rewarded. I imagine having a real pay check at the end of the month, about helping other people and gaining experience in my career.

But then I take a deep breath and I look at my life. Would I really have it any other way? I made the choice to have children and it was also my choice to stay at home to look after them. Sometimes it wears me down, but I know that this time is very special for all of us.

Soon my children will be old enough to do most things without me. They won’t need me to dress them, feed them, brush their teeth, read them stories at night, comfort them when they fall over, watch them dancing to their favourite music and praise them.

So I have to remind myself that this time is limited, and to enjoy all the small magical moments that happen during the day. Children are such a gift, and if I haven’t achieved anything else this decade, I have nurtured and cared for and loved two great kids who are growing up to be great adults.

But the truth is the reality of being a stay-at-home is very different from what most women imagine. Housework is a thankless task; never finished and never appreciated. As a new mum there are many pressures from family and society to do things perfectly, even though everything is new and challenging.

Looking as if you are coping with your new life when well meaning family and friends come to visit is a stress I remember. I told myself that if I coped with a full-time high pressure job, then surely I must be able to cope with a little baby! I didn’t imagine that the sleep deprivation could hit me so hard.

Waking up every 3 hours to feed baby, week after week really does accumulate and make me one grumpy mum.

But in the end, no one is perfect, and your mother, aunt, cousin and friends have all gone through the same situation and if they love you will not judge you for not getting around to vacuuming or finishing the dishes before they arrive.

Be easy on yourself, and enjoy all the wonders your baby brings to your world. The dishes can wait! Just watching your baby trying to roll over, or exploring her feet, can make your day a rewarding one, and make you forget all the sacrifices you have made to have this child.

from timokosenko

It’s a sad thing to see that divorce rates are on the rising trend now. What has happen to the vows made during solemnization? I knew a couple who seems to be the perfect match. Everything was perfect, no financial issue, husband is a Mr Nice Guy but 3 years later, when I catch up with that friend of mine, I was so shocked to hear that they were divorced. Keeping a passionate relationship and a long lasting marriage requires maintenance on a very regular basis. This is what busy city dwellers like us overlook. Here’s 5 golden rules to get along with your spouse and be happily marriage.

Rule 1 – Do not take your spouse for granted
The fact that your spouse and you are very close to each other does not mean that you could take him for granted. I used to fall into the trap that many ladies had fallen into. Knowing that my husband is always there for me, I throw my tantrums very frequently.

I have read a book, “An Hour to Live, an hour to love” by Richard Carlson and Kristen Carlson. This serves as a wake up call in a way. It is a profoundly moving book as the book teaches the importance of treasuring your love ones and treasure each and everyday as tomorrow might not come.

Rule 2 – Communication
Lack of communication is one of the key source to many marriages that have broken down. Sit down together and solves any problem you have together. Some couples avoid talking about problems so as to avoid conflicts and arguments. But little did they know that as they avoid getting into disagreements, the lack of communication has cause the built up of resentment as well.

Rule 4 – Solve small issues
Highlight and outlined issues when they have not blown up. Ignoring small issues does not make them go away. It only magnify further. Be sensitive and listen to your spouse problems and see how you can resolve them before they have become full-blown.

Rule 5 – It doesn’t matter who say sorry first
This is a new resolution that my husband and I made during the beginning of the year. I know that the pride within us has always stopped us from taking the humble pie. It doesn’t matter who initiates the apology as long as the problems are solved and the 2 of you are happy.

Signing on the dotted line is not a game. It is a contract that the 2 of you have chosen build a life lasting relationship together till death do you apart. This means that you have to overcome any difficulties and tackle them together. Marriage is a bliss but not a guarantee one. You have to work towards it. When in doubt of the relationship, always fall back to the basic. What makes you decide to build your life together in the first place?

But more and more women are electing to have a C-section, not for medical reasons, but because they fear the pain and distress of a natural delivery. They feel it is their right to choose how their baby is delivered.

On one level I can understand this argument. Giving birth is painful and this pain can be terrifying. No pain comes close to that of a strong contraction, especially when compounded by back pain due to the baby pressing on the spine.

But this pain takes the soon-to-be mother on a journey of self-discovery and realisation. I truly believe that ‘normal’ childbirth, whether it goes to plan or if extra intervention is needed, teaches us many truths about ourselves.

My two births were completely different; the first was long and drawn out, beginning in the birth centre and ending in the hospital with epidural, episiotomy, forceps, and finally, after 30 hours, a vaginal delivery and a beautiful baby girl.

At the time of my first delivery, I was afraid, timid and shy. I didn’t surrender to the experience; I held back and I believe that had a bearing on the whole delivery. The second time around I was much more focused, confident, and I knew that my body had the strength to carry out this huge task.
It makes me sad to think that women may be missing out in this life-changing experience unnecessarily. I have no right to assume that women who have C-sections don’t bond with their baby as fast, or that they are somehow cheating their babies (although there is evidence that babies born by elective C-section might miss out on hormonal and physiological changes during labour which help mature the lungs.)

It is themselves they are cheating out of an empowering experience that will turn them into a Goddess for a while and give them the belief that they can do anything.