Parents Disagree

from perlipo

In most case, there are two parents involved in the upbringing of a child or children.  These two parents are individuals who have had different upbringings, experiences and possibly have different beliefs.  Usually, these two people are together because they love each other and share many common interests and wish to live together.

But when it comes to raising a family, there are many different styles of parenting and many issues can be confusing. One parent may have been raised in a very strict household while the other was raised in a more relaxed style.  One person’s way of dealing with parenting issues may be shocking to the next.

Arguing in the early days is common, as you are both under a lot of stress trying to cope with the new baby.  Here are some tips to help you get through these early days:

1.    Read the same parenting books.  If one of you has picked up ideas from a book then let your partner understand where your thinking is coming from.

2.    Understand where your children are developmentally.  Many arguments start when one parent misjudges the stage of development the child should be at.  Expectations can be high, but they also need to be realistic.

3.    Understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses.  Don’t point out your partner’s flaws, compliment his strengths and you will be a great team.

4.    Understand each other’s beliefs and values.  If you believe in attachment parenting, for example, sit down and talk about this with your partner. If his views are different, then you need to come up with a compromise.

5.    Discuss Discipline.  Many arguments start when the parents don’t agree on disciplining methods.  If your husband believes spanking is the best way to discipline your child and you don’t, talk about why he has this belief. Was he spanked as a child?   How did it make him feel, and does he want your child to feel this way?

6.    Start from the beginning as you wish to continue.  Be a role model to your children.  This means not arguing in front of them, but communicating productively and actively trying to solve the problem.  This is positive communication and your children will develop the same skills.

7.    Listen and learn from each other.  Parenting is a process and you will get better at it if you respect your partner and treat him as an equal.  You are partners in life and will grow together as parents if you listen to each other.